Elucidating Questions

Am I stronger?

I don’t feel particularly strong

But my mind has not bent

Not like it did then

And, even kicking and screaming, I’m still here

Not that it’s really a feat, I guess

No one seems to think it is

Birthdays are so important to me because I didn’t think I’d have many more than say 25

I tried so hard not to have more

No one cares

And if I care I’m a drama queen

But I’m still in what I would qualify as one piece

Right?

Or have I killed myself a thousand times and it just never took?

What a terrifying notion

Well it appears I’ve made it this far

I’m terrified about possibilities

Every possibility

And I still do that thing

Where all I want to hear is him

So naturally I’m avoiding all music

No, it’s actually miraculous, probably

There’s a tyrant threatening my country

I’m entirely alone

I’m losing my home

And I’m only the regular amount of crazy

My dad’s in the hospital and that’s terrifying

And I haven’t heard from him since 1

It just feels like a stress test sometimes

But it would take some serious planning to get all the details of my life

Some effort would have had to go into it

It really feels like all my fears are coming true

Do I just have to make it through this storm?