Elucidating Questions

I hate how guilty I feel for making small mistakes

I feel so supremely wrong

Like I feel like my skin gets tighter

My chest gets tight

Maybe that’s why I get so bent out of shape when people accuse me of doing something wrong when I haven’t

I know when I’ve done wrong

I know so well it haunts me for hours, days

I fear messing up again

I get hyper vigilant

My pain levels go up as if my body itself is punishing me

Sometimes I wonder if it is

I just want to be decent

But I fail over and over again

And I can’t be anything but hard on myself

I feel if I’m not hard on myself people won’t believe that I know I was wrong

I feel like if I don’t feel guilty I’m not properly accepting responsibility for what I did

There will never be anyone more hard on me than me

But I don’t know how to recover from it

How do you face people after feeling shame that strong?

All my life that’s been a struggle

After I do something wrong

To come back and act is if everything is okay

I don’t know why I feel like I should be exiled

I don’t know why I feel like my mistakes are so much worse than anyone else’s

I’d tell anyone else not to be so hard on themselves

But I’m ashamed

I’m ashamed to be me because when I am me, I’m too much for people

I’m too much

So I should feel ashamed

But no one else should

Or something

I don’t know

I’m sorry I’m a failure