Elucidating Questions

The Winter has arrived

And I should be joyful

I live for the snow

Even if it’s showing up weeks later than before

But it’s the last time I’ll see this scenery

The world painted white from this angle

And the flakes are coming in to meet me

I can afford them a weary smile but I’m terrified

Disappearing into my memories

At this time next year will I just barely remember the home I spent years in?

I think this is the longest I’ve lived in a place

And bless the snow and the nourishment to the soil it brings

But it’s yet another reminder of Time running

The fucker

Running out of time

With Time running

And I know if you ask him to slow down he just tosses his head back and laughs like it’s funny

Is it funny?

Or is he laughing because it hurts?

Who knows

I hate watching you run out

Sand slipping through my fingers

As if I’m the hourglass

And I should be able to believe you’ll come back

I’ll catch you for a moment again

It’s what you do

And I know it’s not you that makes it unbearable

No, your contents

And you are separate

Like the Universe

Where it meshes together and becomes both of and not of you

I wish catching you was a done deal

But each of us catches Time for a moment

Only for him to dart away again

And fuck Fate

Even if I can’t escape it, fuck it

How do I look back to the me who saw this house

And thought, “it’s just temporary”

Do I tell them yes?

And of course everything is temporary

I just wish more things would outlive me

Like common decency

Shouldn’t homes outlive us?

It’s not like that

So many things that should be a way that aren’t

Another home that outgrew me

And the snow falls

But just reminds me of the temporary aspect of home

From the start that’s where I wanted to be

Time just tell me

Why when you run you take my home with you?