Elucidating Questions

Is there a place I can go where I can be myself and there won’t be resounding repercussions because of it?

If I showed some selfishness that wouldn’t break a relationship

Or show some empathy without someone else deciding I’ve taken sides

That there has to be sides in the first place

It’s fun to touch it

In video games

Be a person who, though through trial and tribulation, the world opens for

There’s always a way

Always the right words to say

I want to go somewhere where no matter what comes out of my mouth I overcome it

Not doomed constantly

The last time I got evicted

And I moved in with a compulsive liar who told me she was a Yakuza wife and half Japanese

Who then made up a disease, told me she was going into basically hospice care, and forced me to move out and then blamed me when I did

And a sad man who wanted to leave his wife and for some reason got it in his head that they were going to get together

Gave up, threw a fit, moved out

And then I had a year long psychotic episode

So in terms of how I’m feeling

Like the dam is breaking

And I really just wish people would perceive my soul

Not this wretched body

Not the faults it creates in me

Quick to anger

I’m a fucking pin cushion, you try it

Quick to cry

Quick to defend myself because I’m terrified of other people

Every time I get comfortable I lose my footing

Who I really want to be

Is someone who speaks powerfully

Knows what I’m doing

In my dreams there’s him but there’s also a mission and a god to revive and I always seem to know where I’m going

Like no matter where I go something happens

What is this place of mindless wandering hoping Fate will smile upon you and you’ll run into the right person out of billions

Nevermind how untold numbers of others there could be out there

I feel like an alien on my own planet

I didn’t come from anywhere

There’s nowhere I can return to I can rightfully call home

No roots

I’m a tumbleweed

Though I suppose those came from somewhere natural as well

From the Earth

Oh Earth

I want to be a champion of you

A defender

I want to fight for my right to exist here because I was fucking born here damn it you don’t get to tell me I am unnatural

This planet is mine too

As much as I am hers

I fear never returning to her

Being kept in a box on a mantel

I’m outnumbered by people I don’t understand

That don’t understand me

And they and theirs have been telling me I was wrong or mistaken in so many ways

There’s a really angry part of me that wants to sit back and then scream I told you so when everything crumbles

Because I’ve been told I don’t belong so many times I may as well continue daydreaming about my place where people make sense

Fuck ’em, right?

But there are people who, who I still don’t fully understand, I want to preserve in this place

This beautiful nature and all she has created here

Surely humans have a place here

I, though I doubt I’m human anymore, have to protect everything with a role on this island

This land floating in the sea of space

Our beacon shining

Our cold, yet kind, guide by our side

I don’t know how you take in this place and not want to protect it

But how do I do more than escape?

Volcanoes rumbling

Dams bursting

All I know is that after the destruction of the Earth she creates

What shape is this cataclysm go