Elucidating Questions

I feel so demanded

There are so many things I have to do

Paralyzed by fear and anxiety

I’m feeling so overwhelmed that when the coffee maker said it needed water I was tempted to just be like

No, fucking do it yourself!

Even though that’s physically impossible

I’m so tired

I cannot explain how tired I am to people

It has a profoundness that I can’t properly describe

A weight and a depth I cannot put into words

I am exhausted as if I’ve worked several consecutive 12 hour shifts

My body is so bogged down by itself

But I have to find the strength to pack everything up

Even not knowing where it’s going

Even not knowing where I’m going

I need help

Again

But do I ask for it?

It’s too big a job for me, my mind can’t break it down into little pieces

I’m trying

But these huge projects all I see is the whole thing needing to be done I need to have help until I absorb the pieces of the puzzle

Trust me I’ve been trying to convince myself to just do a piece, it immediately starts worrying about other things, and then I anxiety forget about it

I wish I could voice and receive the help I need

What do I do?

I’ve packed houses bigger, but with a good deal more energy

Which is wild because I was already energy deficient

I’m exhausted

Beyond it

There isn’t a word

I need an actual vacation where there’s just no demands at all

Actual freedom

It’s funny because I should have taken that money and gone to Japan or something

I would have had a better experience

Still my slight elevation out of hell was scorned

I just enjoyed myself for a moment in time I’ll never get back

And I always have reasons

Nothing I do is ever truly spontaneous

I’m wild to all but my own code of living

I don’t know why I have to have a reason for everything

I don’t know what would make it easier for others to accept

Everything

It’s hard to be pulled in so many directions at once

I just want to go back to my life two months ago.

Idk does anyone have just a spare couple thousand a month they could send me just for funsies?

No, of course not

Everyone is suffering right now just at different levels

I took a selfish moment to take a break from the suffering

I know it’s nev coming back but I wish everyone lived like I did