Elucidating Questions

Does anyone else feel like they just can’t find their people?

I envision this selfless relationship where we both just do things for eachother because we want to

I’m still looking for someone to embrace me

Truly embrace me

Celestial non-binary, definitely crazy, definitely strong feelings

Just take me and accept me

Someone who gets my pronouns right

My ears are so used to hearing the wrong pronoun they reflexively close as it comes to the part of the sentence where pronouns are

Startled awake when it’s right

Still looking for someone to take the desperate me and understand why

Someone who understands

We’re so tired

Wanting from me

Produces a wall

But when it’s unexpected I’ll bend over backwards to provide

I hate obligation

I’m not obligated to do anything I’m a damn human being

A living creature with its own dreams and needs and I don’t want to feel obligated to anyone for anything

This overflowing soul is screaming for freedom

Not captivity in human expectations

I’m more wild than you’ll know because, other than the explosive one, I, I hide it away for the sake of others

Unlike so many

Because that’s something I feel obligated to do

Because I’m weird and complex like that

I feel obligated to humanity but refuse obligations to single humans

Unless they’re a special person

I haven’t had one of those in a long time

I wonder how long I’ll be in the middle?

How do we find the people we seek in a sea of no’s and rejection?

I don’t know, if the point of this exercise was to make me admit that I can live, completely alone

With birds pecking me

Yeah, here I am

And it’s horrid

Do you expect me to say it’s fine like this?

It is miserable at best

Isn’t it so crazy how many layers to human suffering there are?

Better off than most

Alone as hell

Balancing on the edge

Because I see them suffering and you’re all trying to make me join them?

Is it easier to scrape them off the ledge than to build a rescue for those below?

Government, society, these people with all the power

Despairing from the thought of being one of the ones who’s really suffering

The cause of my greatest fears coming to light walks in

And walks out casually

Can my heart take the scraping?

I’m in the process of the government trying to abort me late in life

Funneling me ever closer to needing to apply for MAID or be homeless

Homeless with chronic illnesses and a walker

I mean, other people are doing it I guess

There’s no net

Just so you’re all aware.

There is no safety net

It’s a sieve and we are tiny particles of flour

Only those bloated by status don’t fall through

No community to save me

It’s one of those things where I wasn’t expecting but I was hoping

It’s all up to the Universe and the universe

Have fun deciding who wins I gue