Elucidating Questions

Do you ever eat something that contained seeds and then find a seed in your mouth later?

I’m sure some people spit them out but I always bite them because seeds usually taste really cool

I was eating an everything bagel a few minutes ago

Found a fun seed just now

See my life does contain what I would deem as good moments

I enjoy finding fun seeds

Because you usually only taste them as an accent

But my memory is so bad

I’m going to have forgotten about the seed but for this pretty much as soon as I’m done writing

Some days are dark

I keep hearing in my head

From my lovely commentator

You’re being negative

Be more positive

Echoing voices heard throughout my life

My brain does such a good job of telling me I’m not trying hard enough, I just need to get over it, whatever and what have you

When humans reinforce it I break a bit

But I have these moments

I have scattered memories

These little things in the world that challenge me to be awake and present

A bird landed by my foot on the doorstep at some point today I think or possibly yesterday

It wanted out of the rain

Then it saw me

But it’s such a privilege to have a wild thing so close even for a second

Just keep going

I feel like I lose something very important if I give up

But I’m terrified it’s a false flag and there’s really nothing here for me

Things just get harder

I live on less and less while prices go up

All the little moments are being dwarfed by the very real spectre of homelessness and starvation

I am fat, but I’m fairly certain I’m malnourished along with everything else

There’s no other explanation for this ravenous hunger when I’ve never really eaten much

Just terrible food, that’s all

I’m afraid and the little happinesses

I feel like they’re drowning alongside me

I wish I knew a way to magnify the happy things

It was a fun seed