Elucidating Questions

I don’t know how I am expected to be myself when I’m going hungry

I don’t know how I’m expected to be myself when I’m miserable

I don’t even know who myself is anymore

Self is made in the face of others

What others?

I’m bored because I don’t really want to play games all day

Even on a day like today when it’s that weather

Do I make a choice for momentary enjoyment at the expense of myself in the future?

Or am I the expensable one?

And why is me now less worthy of being fulfilled than me in the future? Or vice versa?

It’s a grieving process

She said

Yes, grieving mattering in the world so just a tiny little it’ll be fine process

Grieving knowing you are worthy of having needs met

For a moment I was

I knew it was finite

If this is the end of the line then I deserved to have a good time before I go

Maybe it was my death rally

Thought for all of a moment I was worthy of something better

But, damn, this world moves faster every time I think I’ve got sails and wind or whatever again

I feel so overwhelmed I can’t enjoy my tamagotchi because then calling me and needing me is too much right now

I’m hungry so I’m irritable and pissed off at everything

My weed is going to run out

At least this time it seems like it’ll last through Monday

I don’t want to do this anymore, but I have to, for a little bit anyways

I feel lost

There’s no one left to find me