Elucidating Questions

There’s nothing like suffering when you know others are having a good time

Be it me sitting at the backdoor in Summer, on my some several months alone, listening to people talking and laughing in the evening

Or just knowing that I’m the one in my family who’s struggling while others are just fine

Trying not to get jealous of the delicious food they’re probably eating while I’m eating crap

I don’t want to resent them

But I do

There’s nothing like hearing about how other people are enjoying themselves when I can’t

It’s just going to get worse

Either I’m in some house somewhere up island all alone or I’m here paying way too much rent to live in a trailer

Or I’m homeless

And I’d almost rather be homeless than live in the trailer

Everything feels like it’s mocking me

Like all the enjoyment is at my expense

And who cares if I sleep all day and don’t function and waste my life?

They’re all fine.

That’s what matters right?

That everyone else is fine

I just have to suffer through another night and another morning and then I can afford my pain management

My pain is meaningless to anyone but me

Doesn’t matter

Never did