Elucidating Questions

Learning to suffer in silence

Because there’s no precious friends here

Should I have fought?

For people who forget about me?

It’s all this convoluted story of everyone leaves you eventually

Those words that haunted me from the moment I heard them

Perhaps it’s the rain that has half my tears

It is late

The time doesn’t tell us that

Human meddling

I’m unaffected by it

But

It’s always other humans who hold the keys to my survival

Choosing our not choosing to fall on me that time

It felt nice to have all the answers to my survival for a bit

Nothing would ever be enough though

Not when I’m drowning in loneliness

I’d need hundreds of thousands to sate my boredom

So I could just go from one thing to another

There’s enough to do in this world it just costs money

Locked behind gilded gates

I don’t expect people to pity me

But there are others out there suffering the same who deserve to be helped

Or worse

I wish I could sing

When I sing, just for a moment I’m just part of the song

Not human just a carrier of music

Not trapped within this world

Free to express within the song

It’s sad I see dreams of singing songs to bring happiness to everyone

And think they’re cute

In a condescending way

Inside me there’s a young singer who never saw their dream

Who probably believes something very similar

If everything wasn’t a competition

I don’t see it

The will to defeat others

It’s not in me

I hate losing

But I almost hated winning more

These days I don’t compete

Doing something that hurts someone else on purpose

I’m sure this world would be filled with underachievers if they were all me

Individuality would abound

What crazy world would that be?

When I breathe I breathe with the billions before me

The same air

I breathe because they did

It sometimes feels very much as if I’ve been abandoned by humanity

Like it made me, thought differently, and now it doesn’t want me

I’m a product of my life

Aren’t we all

I’m so tired

I feel defeated

I should know better though

I get up somehow

何と無く

I don’t know how to make things go my way though

Is it up to luck?

Which is it?

My shitty luck

Or my strange, oddly timed, always just in time, luck?

Well I’ll just have to see I suppose

I wonder how many once agains there will be?

Do I have to?

Well, it’s not as if Time isn’t dragging me along willing or not

If my friend is the rain

Good night, friend

Nothing changes within aiming for it

How my life only got worse and his got better