Elucidating Questions

“I’m setting you free to spread your wings”

Those words will never stop haunting me

Because that’s what you do with disabled birds right?

Set them loose into nature to suffer reality?

I’m sure that’s why all those sanctuaries exist

7 years later

Still haunting me

The Queen of Hearts

Everyone loves her

My value to her was monetary

As it often is

And now it’s echoing again

Because this chaos is just another ripple of me being free

The way homelessness looms

The way I’ve slowly lost control of my house

Sitting here hungry

It was hard being disabled in my early 20s but I pretended I wasn’t any different

She forced me into full time work

How many thousands of dollars have I paid, struggling, versus what I owed them?

To loan companies

Just trying to get that hundred I need

Only to be short it next time

Just to fall into a loan loop I couldn’t get out of

I can’t explain why I’m bad with money in a way that will satisfy anyone

It’s just meaningless to me

The things I want have value

The money is a number sitting in my bank

I never think about later

Or expect something to come up

I always forget something

If I budget I forget to check the budget

But none of that matters now

I’d like to see one of these so called money instructors budget their way out of $2100 income with $2100 rent.

Can’t do it can you?

My mum says it’s not my fault that I’m going to have to give up my animals

I’ve doomed two yearlings to the rescue life

I adopted a girl last November for forever and now she’s going to be alone

Druzzy is a senior

She’s going to die in rescue

Instead of in my arms

I don’t even want to think about what happens if I have to give up Pan

Bunnies are worse than guinea pigs for rehoming

I should have managed by myself

I shouldn’t have brought these poor creatures into my life

Somehow

Just existed here all alone

Why didn’t I see this?

My mum said I’m not clairvoyant

Except I am

And I see all sorts of things and there were signs

I missed them

I hate to think what else I miss

Time whispering keywords at me

The Universe quietly responding to my thoughts

Keywords

I have to figure this out

Please let me land somewhere safe