Elucidating Questions

Where will I be this time next year?

Will I have a home?

Will I even be alive?

Will I have to give up everything?

I don’t think I would live through rehoming my animals

Everything feels so pointless

Now that I’m just killing time until something happens

And I don’t know what

Homelessness, a sad trailer, whatever happens it’s not going to be here

People have just been casually ruining my life recently

When he said he was thinking of moving his kid down here I thought 13? 15?

Nah, kid’s in grade 3 or 4 and his cop daddy can’t handle having him 3 days a week so he wants to make him live in the basement

I swear if I hear one peep from that kid about moving into my suite I’m going to lose it

If I have to hear “I’m excited!” about my life as I know it ending I’m going to scream

The kid probably has no idea

How casually his father ruined my life

After my manager went ahead and did that already

We’ll just ruin a different area

I feel hated

It’s always the landlord coming along to fuck up my life

Either the Queen of Hearts with her pregnancy hormones which made everything she did to me fine

The Alleged Yakuza Queen (aka Ms. Compulsive Liar) making up a disease to not have to live with me anymore (yup)

And now this

Like there’s no way this child needs an entire suite to himself.

He’s a single child with a bedroom AND and entire play room. Like, upstairs has three bedrooms, and he has two. For three days

Fucking bullshit

I could hope that I get a little place

Easier to clean

Maybe with closets?

But what has hope every gotten me?

It’s usually at the moment I give up hope that some thing comes along

This place was the only good thing to happen

Even with all the screaming and the banging and the stomping

I probably won’t be living in Victoria anymore

I was born here

But there’s no place for me here

Not for $2100

That’s about 99% of my income.

It was already hard enough

People have failed me at many stages of my life

I know I’m not perfect

Rather, damaged

But why is it that I live in a world where I can do nothing, where I would do anything for them I could?

It’s all talk

I’d do this

People don’t care what you would do

They care what you’re doing

And my hands are largely tied by disability and poverty

I wish I’d seen this one coming

Hard to when I have packing dreams every night

You can’t exactly add extra nuance to that like this one’s for real

Is this the end?

It doesn’t matter what you build

Someone will come along to break it down

No one ever uses evil for good

Nope you’ve got people using good for evil and people using evil for evil

No one ever innovates and tries to be evil for the sake of good

Oh, no, autocorrect, they are constantly using God as an excuse for evil

Every day, in fact

Perhaps every minute

That’s not related to this though

Please?

Anyone who’s listening

Please let me keep my babies.