Elucidating Questions

What to write?

I feel like I’m doing that walking through hell with a smile thing again

I can never tell

Am I supposed to 超える every thing that comes my way?

Or is it all to see what will finally break me?

Found out my brain wakes up every 2 minutes when I’m sleeping

This explains why I’m fighting a losing battle

How do you win against that?

The doctor said giving up caffeine would help

When caffeine is the one thing keeping me going

What exactly would I gain eventually from the trade off?

I’m not quiting one of my drugs for your possibilities

And then the bizarre REM sleep

I found out it’s probably the drugs I’m taking that are causing the reoccurring dreams

Thank fucking god because I don’t want to summon the god of Death

Seriously what was I supposed to think after dreaming that repeatedly for 5 years?

But, like, what now?

I’m on a carefully balanced pyramid of drugs

Prescription and non

Do I start switching shit out to see if I can finally stop having these exact same fucking trauma riddled dreams every night?

Do I take tranquilizers?

What do I do to defeat this demon from within?

An actual demon from within and not some imagined shit

My body is killing me

I wished for this as a teen

To get a disease that would slowly kill me

Because I was too cowardly to do it myself

But, man

Okay

So, go off all the drugs was not the answer

Clearly taking all the drugs is not the answer

Maybe just not the right drugs?

Ugh I guess I’ll talk it over with my doctor in December

I guess I’m going to need a new doctor

Haha fuck

You do enjoy putting me in tight spots don’t you?