Elucidating Questions

Sometimes I just sit here trying to conjugate verbs in Japanese

Usually for difficult things

Conjugation is actually really easy in Japanese you’ve got like one of two or three options for how a verb ends and then five or six different ways to conjugate each ending

Once your brain understands it you can conjugate every verb in the language even not knowing what that verb means

But I like to trick myself

It was me awkwardly (because I’m sure I could have sounded far more eloquent) trying to say “don’t become hungry”

お腹空くならないで

Or something

I’m sure I could have contextually left out the お腹 part because I was, in fact, speaking to my stomach in the first place

But my brain got stuck on the 空いてる vs 空くなる

I always struggle with that one. I don’t even know if I got it right

Kind of teaching myself again

Have to wait for it to jump out at me in anime or gaming and be like

This

Like 抜けるah I tried to translate something I didn’t quite understand and I was wrong and the universe has since been like every use of 抜ける ever!!!!

It means through

To pass through or to break through

Still learning words

Sorry, Japanese is my comfort place

It’s where I learn how I learn best and okay with the things I learn as I learn them

When everything is overwhelming and I go mute, Japanese is what I have left

They don’t know about that part though

I hide that away

They’re unaware of a lot of things

No one cares how much

Japanese was my thing to come home to in my tumultuous household

Not 6 human beings stacked in a small house

Life has been hard in many ways

We seek comfort

I’d imagine the kind moms in my shows were mine

The supportive older siblings

Through characters imagined I lived in worlds that started out kinder than my own

That twisted with time and the never ending quest to prove mine weren’t Mary Sues

Much of that left me after my psychotic adventure

Now I don’t dream of anything, but I play with language instead

I’m trying to hide somewhere safe

I’m so scared right now

But if I let myself feel it I’ll make myself sick