Elucidating Questions

It’s like they think I just roll over and go back to bed when I call in

That happened on Thursday because my heart was flying

Going fast for no reason

God damned Sonic the Hedgehog heart

But I have to stay up and deal with handydart

It’s not like I call in and strap in for a nice relaxing morning

I feel so sick

And I hate this

I’ve been screaming at myself to just get better all weekend and this is what I get

Where does this ability to not be sick come from?

I’m assuming all people wake up in the morning, do their entire morning routine, and then pass out again just like me?

No of course you don’t

I always feel like I have the flu

That awful slightly out of body

Full body ache

Slightly confused by everything

Easily overwhelmed

I’ve got the flu feeling

And it’s funny, because you’d think I would get used to it like I have most of the pain

I’m fine with the normal amount of pain

But this?

Somehow it just amps up again

I don’t know if I tolerate it in waves, or if it gets better and then worse, or if I tolerate it and it just gets worse in response

This is the feeling I want everyone else to have to live with

Every person who has told me I’m making it up or over exaggerating

Just feel this

I don’t know how I’m going to clean my kitchen for my landlord coming down

I don’t know what I’m going to do

I somehow have to be well enough for today’s shift

Somehow

God help me

I wish I had never gotten the first chronic illness, but the second put a nail in my coffin I will never get out

Decided to get trapped in hell for a moment

My life has been fucked

My neck hurts

I don’t know why

It started on Wednesday

Someone save me?

I don’t want to be saved but it’s what I need

Everyone keeps waiting for me to save myself

Just fight the illness and get better and stand on my own two feet again

Yeah, right

I’ll get on that

I’m definitely just not trying hard enough

If people could only experience the leaden feeling in my limbs

The way my brain struggles with sounds and input

I just don’t know where I’m supposed to get help from I’m too good at pissing people off

So this is my life?

I get to live half alive?

I should really just hate everyone

Very nearly conservative provincial government

I’m fucked either way but there’s nothing like the test election before the actually important election showing your entire province has decided to leave you in the dust

They would probably cut PWD if they could

I’ve given up

These people wouldn’t know a problem if it sat on their lap and slapped them across the face

No, no, you’re absolutely right the biggest problem in this economy of the growing poverty class and rich getting richer is absolutely trans people you sorry fucking idiots

I just give up

I just want to lie in bed until I die