Elucidating Questions

I’m frightened that I’m just going to drop

I feel like this?

Where I can barely lift my head up properly without my heart thundering in my chest

I’m afraid

And I’m scattered and easily confused

Desperately trying to fill the silence with something

That this will have been my life

Spent lying on the couch suffering

But no one will take me seriously until I die anyways

Not anyone that can do something about my fate

What my body is doing to me

I’m trapped inside

Things I used to do without thinking have become impossible or dangerous for me to do

And I’m alone

I don’t have a clan

So begrudge me trying to make this bearable

Things just never quite align how I was hoping

And now I’ve missed another day at work

I’m worse off for it because that’s my pay cheque

But they don’t see that they just see that I failed them again

Failure number 1 here

Sometimes it feels like the Universe is closing in on me

Like I just can’t breathe anymore

I don’t know how or where I’d even begin to get the help I need

Yeah I do

Just sit here worrying about when I’ll die

Once my mind is done beating up on me for everything else

It taunts me with my mortality

And the hopelessness that is my life

Hell adjacent

I’m not about to claim I’m in hell when there’s literal hell on Earth occuring on the other side of the planet

I’m not so blind with my own woe to believe I am the only person or person suffering the most.

I sit in peace besides my body at the backdoor

Heart is finally sitting below 100 when I’m sitting here

So many hells to be had

When we could have cooperated

Humans are their own worst enemies

I sit in a hell of my own body’s making wondering why you’re all doing that to eachother

I don’t know how to fix my hell

But I do know that being nice to eachother makes it a lot easier to deal with