Elucidating Questions

The moods of the Sun

I knew he was waking up

Or whatever you’d call it

It’s funny that people don’t feel the difference

I don’t know how or why I do

But I suppose there was a time I also didn’t know

Feels so far away now

For all the tears and heartbreak

I got hyper sensitivity to the cosmos

Eh

I’ve seen worse happen

I don’t know what I see

It was when the bugger started leaving extreme tan lines on my legs that I started being annoyed by it

You’d think that wouldn’t be a factor but I spent less time in the Sun with twice the colour

Yeah ok Sol, chill out

Twice the avoidance

The Northern Lights have eluded me

Always cloudy always not dark enough

I was in so many pieces yesterday

I wonder why I have to give up my day off so I can work for less than I’m worth?

Can’t get into another field because all jobs require experience

Excited Sun

It is kind of like a love song

Ah that line likes to play at the best moments

I had no control over that one

Nope that found me in the wild

But yes you big beautiful ball of fire screaming into the night

It’s kind of like a love song

To the planets you made

If humans hadn’t fucked things up

It would have been just a pleasant Summer

Hurricanes and crap

Fires

You’d think the Sun hates us

Well, we’re the ones who broke it

So maybe he does?

I’d certainly call it a love song to the Earth if you’re trying to ruin humanity

Like, more power to you Sol

With a flourish of my wrist I implore you

Continue

But I don’t think it is that

Our gentle star

Like look into the cosmos and find a more gentle star with life in its eye

I think you would be looking for a while

They’re as rare as genuinely good people

What this star created

What he sings to

Back here again less thousands

The Rain fell for a moment

I was right to get dressed up

For people that would actually appreciate it

Work tomorrow

Dread

Am I going to face the same day as yesterday again?

Am I going to be beyond exhausted at work only to sleep the entire next day again?

Do I really have to sacrifice my free time just to not make ends meet?

It’s not even worth it

Getting up and going to work for this amount of hours

It’s not worth it

How long will it go on like this I wonder?

I wonder

Who am I?

Should I awaken like the Sun?

Everyone tells me to behave

While others are free to not behave

I feel as small as I am

I feel as powerless as I am

I wish money wasn’t a subject

Maybe instead people could recognise how fucking depressed I am

I don’t know

I know it doesn’t matter

I know the world doesn’t care how depressed I am

Or how I self medicate with shopping

I’d like to fucking figure out how to stop

I just suck

I guess

I don’t know

I have all this pain and I just want it to stop for a second

I’m going insane

I thought I was insane

But I was at least managing to exist, right?

Sun you are bright and in my face

Go back to talking about you?

Oh big beautiful ball of fire

I do wonder what you are but that doesn’t rhyme

They’re all like helium and chemicals and blah blah blah

Like that answers the question

Of what you are

Bitch will you cool it on my face please?

Get this,

An ambulance went past and now my heart rate is 125

Because I am that fucking sensitive to sound now

And now I’m in sensory overload

And I can’t think

Every single loud sound is fucking with my heart and I’m downtown

And I’m going to work tomorrow?

Because I’m not allowed to call in sick?

I don’t want to fucking die?

I don’t want to live but I don’t want to die

My heartrate has been over 110 regularly over 120 peaking at 135 for almost an hour

I’m scared

I’m so sick

It’s scary

I never know whether I’m going to wake up the next day

What if when my health goes horribly wrong it doesn’t get better again?

And it never does

I never recover completely

Just slowly get worse

I need help

I don’t need money I need help

Money doesn’t fix it

Money never fixes it

Sol

I wish I could exist like you

Beautiful and alive