Elucidating Questions

I’ve been preoccupied

You would think I have everything

It looks like it

But I don’t want things

This amassment

And my horde of devices can keep me busy all day but they’re not a conversation

The Rain is falling

Thought I’d have stars tonight

The weather can’t decide one hour to the next

Fall with no focus

We have ADHD Fall

Fall is hyper fixated on something else

I wish I could be hyper fixated on a person who also had interest in me

I’m not the type of person to aim for another person

That word wouldn’t translate

Stupid language barrier

The rush of a song I feel in tune with

I want to be more than a whisper in this world

Being invisible is maddening

I used to imagine it

‘Course I got some watered down bullshit version of it

I can’t rob a store without being caught

But I don’t exist

I go for hours without being thought of

Days?

The only one thinking of me is me

And they’ve insisted I’m delusional

That I can’t be a sound witness to anything

Do I exist at all?

If I stop thinking will I cease to exist?

Unperceived

Oh I’m just making up words today

English doesn’t have enough

I said with a wry grin

The Ocean isn’t far away

Yet I haven’t seen it

The down side of not taking the public bus

I’d like to see it

I wish I could have an Ocean view

I just want to watch it

Ideal setting

A small hut in the forest by the shore

There might be bears wandering around

I’d like to see them but I also would not like to see them

So many thoughts in one person

I can’t keep them straight

Am I holding in a breath waiting for myself to stop thinking?