I’m trying not to sink back into it
The feeling of thinking of you
I know it’s for nothing
All these songs that get you amped up
Saying things like turning dreams into reality
It must be nice to have something to dream about
It’s pointless for me to dream of attaining things
Attaining is somewhere else
Not here
And the wind is running through the trees
If you close your eyes this is paradise
And I’m just fine
And right now I am
But I’m already watching me when everything goes back to normal and I’m hopeless again
Through my fingers
What do I do?
If I’d thought of this before maybe this would be different
But I can’t exist in any moment but this
For all I see the future coming head on
I look away and pretend and then it’s now
Hedonistic
But just, like, enough to not go insane, you know?
And I keep finding out new and horrible things about my disease
In my fantasies I’m not disabled
And that’s the fantasy
It even tries to break into my dreams
It’s funny it took the disability years to break through the dreams
Besides the weird dreams I have where I’m catatonic
But the tattoo took mere weeks
I was showing it off to a store person in my dreams
I could do without any more packages from the gods
Sometimes I wonder what the Universe is harvesting from us
What purpose stars pose
It’s all as integral or unimportant as any other thing in this space yes?
The clouds are blocking out the moonlight
Ah back here
It’s good, right?
These little unimportant bits of information I get?
I miss the stars
It feels less like I’m talking to myself when they’re visible
I’m so far away from ideal
And I’m not even as bad off as most of the population
Screaming perpetually into the deep
Animals fighting in the night
Me too, animals
I don’t know what for
Can I love with half of me and detest with the other?
I need to drop it
This torch
What a time for this song
Can I send you some good vibes?
Wherever you are
I’m still here
Just as always
I’m always at the back door
Stuck here
Elucidating Questions 
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