Elucidating Questions

Tonight is a night for staring out into space with the Moon

It always feels as though the stars are moving around us

And while they may be

I do not know what causes the feeling

I don’t want to write today

I wanted to fuck the counter and just fade back into nothingness for a bit

But the me of tomorrow would be disappointed

So here I am

I don’t know if I have anything to say

Dirtied by grief

Once it’s over it feels like it was but a moment

And every other loss comes with it

Unless I exist in this state of detachment

And it’s always where I hide

And if I feel what I’m feeling into the sky will it reach them all?

All the ones I miss

I find one

It’s like one of those awful clown scarves

Find one loss

It’s connected to another

And that another

And so on

And so forth

And suddenly I’m alone in a room surrounded by the spirits of before

How do I miss them all equally?

If I just love them

Is that truly enough?

In a world where my love has never been enough?

If it resonates into space will the stars pass on the word until it reaches them?

And loving this space

This strange, impossible, space

Can my love with no address reach those who need it most?

Space feels so distant sometimes

Like it’s far away from here

Even looking out into the expanse, it’s hard to imagine you’re within it

That it’s not just something far off

They’re within me

All these losses

Are they everywhere?

Nowhere?

Only within my heart?

This space tests me

Piling on the losses

The only way to have less would be to shy away from every interaction

If you love in this space, you hurt

Is it a test to stop loving?

Or a test to see who will keep doing it?

I feel so exhausted with pondering

Maybe it’s best I stop

Our loved ones are as temporary as we are

Something to be treasured with all your might