Elucidating Questions

Sitting at home

Listening to the rain and the birds

Occasionally smelling the stain of blood Ruby left on my shirt when she peed

This doesn’t feel real

I screamed for real when I got home

Yelled in his general direction

You took my Ruby

I just wanted her to live forever even though it wasn’t possible

Even now I can feel the sympathy

The I’m sorry

The same I’m sorry I’m saying to my herd that doesn’t understand what just happened.

Knowing more than they’ll ever imagine

Knowing nothing

I see myself in you

That same helplessness

That same I would tell them what’s going on if I just could

If they could understand me

I’d tell them it’s okay

That there’s no stopping it

To just enjoy what you have

And then there’s that moment

Would you really explain death to a creature that didn’t understand it?

Didn’t know it?

Would you expose them to the evil truth that their days are numbered?

That everyone they love will either die, or be left behind when they do?

And I see this in you too

Would you tell me if you could?

I would blame you if you didn’t

But would I tell them in turn?

These great truths of life

Life, the existence of it, is so painful and sad

And yet it may be the most beautiful thing in the Universe

The most defying of the orders of them

Even though existence is pain

Existing anyways

Because something inside us says it’s worth it

I don’t know if I’d be able to uplift another species to humanity’s understanding of the awful truths of life

I wonder if that’s why you stay there, as I scream

I always realise later how awful it must be to hear them

The billion billion screams

I’m not there yet

Right now I want to scream at you without thinking of how the screaming may affect you

It’s selfish, and human

And you know that

You’re going to be hanging out on the edge of my consciousness

Enraging me with your presence

The clouds are blocking out the sky tonight

Could you face me?

The Sun couldn’t

Like I’ve said before, this year has been

Indescribably awful

But it’s had nuggets of gold sewn it

And I’m trying to figure out if acknowledging the awful is disrespectful of the good

But I’m too tired to think anymore

Love your pets