Elucidating Questions

Still this strange off feeling

I wish I knew what was causing it

God forbid it’s my foolish heart

It should be silent

I’ve wrapped it up tight enough

This year is almost over

And I have torn feelings

Things aren’t supposed to feel better after what happened on Easter

It’s wrong for me to settle into comfort

The clouds are out and yet

You appear to be breaking through

Always this one

I’m sure there’s some explanation I don’t understand

I’m sure you have something to do with my mood

He’s so far away

So far away

I couldn’t do it

Infidelity

I’m not monogamous

But I’d never hide and lie to someone I loved

I’m certainly quickening my demise again

How do you leave a woman hurting?

Like forget with guys

I’m afraid of them, which would prevent me from doing something like that even if I wanted to

But how do you hurt someone?

Words filled with poison always regrets

How do you see pain in someone’s face and keep going?

There’s this being in me that has poison and claws

But when I’m in my natural state

I can’t imagine doing anything like that

Wanting to cause pain

普段

アイツが出るのは

自分を守る為に

No defensiveness no Cat

Making moves to harm on purpose

Without there being a reason

Is so beyond me

Foolish lost child

Wandering back again

But I tried

They say

The something in the darkness outside myself

It’s attempting to

アピールする

That one’s fun it’s an English word in Japanese that means not quite the same thing when translated back

I’m not falling for it

Not going to yearn for something I can’t see

Believing in a phantom

I don’t know what it is

Probably just my own madness looking back at me

I believed it and him were the same

If I believed that now

Well I’d have to hate him, wouldn’t I?

That would wake the Cat

So don’t call me, secret something

Because I can’t believe in you

Stars and planets are real

And I can play with them for fun

But you

You are dangerous

Believing in you made terrible things happen

And I have a headache from pointedly ignoring you

Which is why I know you’re something

You’re offering things I can’t accept

In the dark

And wouldn’t it be sweet to just go completely insane?

But that’s not going to happen again

The sweetness of mania

It’s fun for a bit, and then it’s not

What would I be holding on to?

Can’t relate

Oh fucking finally

My place to hide

Telling me to go to bed

I don’t want to get lost in that thing again

Hard rock curing headaches

Who knows

I couldn’t tell you with what I speak

Couldn’t tell you why that made it better

Like a shield

I dare not name you

But you always ride in with the yellow ninja

Have the clouds parted?

No, but yet I’m being instructed

Yes I will sleep before my head starts aching again

I wish I could identify it

But it’s not something I can properly describe to others

An