Elucidating Questions

This time of year I tend to reject the dark

Even though it’s just about the perfect mix of night and day

Because I know it’s going to get worse

Pulling when seasons change?

Rather being bulldozed

The weather, finicky, and confused

Won’t pick a setting long enough to let me get used to it

It would be in my best interest to just keep fighting

But this is the season when I want to lay down and rest

One step forward

Firmly

With purpose

But I’m no closer to where I want to be

My tamagotchi said to her partner

Stop waiting for your soulmate and get married to me!

And I thought I’d take that

If it was offered

Instead nothing is

I’ve scraped together what I have

Clawed it to me

But it’s all things

I have no actual support system

No one is really trying to help me escape my solitude

I know I’m not alone

In that you’re with me

Like you’re with all living things

But from my position

Tiny

Unprotected

With you running ahead laughing

Knowing all, yet nothing

Everything that could be

Thus knowing but not

You can’t say which of those many possibilities is the real one

Sometimes you fake like you do

It’s worked in your favour before

But you can only be wrong so many times before it becomes obvious

You’re running

But you’re as lost as I am

This cosmic ride we’re on

You’re the leader

But you have no idea where we’re going

And you watch it solemnly

And then the laughter comes

Like you just got some joke the Universe was telling

And then zoom

Off you go again

Never within my reach

Always beside me

Always beside all of us

It takes you to heal

But it also took you to make the wounds

As sour as you are sweet

As spicy as you are bitter

I never know whether the saltines is you or my tears peering into you

Every flavour imaginable and yet

There are moments you are like swallowing the worst meal ever prepared

Taking you

Walking in you

Away from the memories

Away from what slips so silkily from our fingers

As you pass us by

And, no, I don’t feel older

Just a weary traveller

Age stopped mattering so long ago

There is only me here

I don’t really care about arbitrary things like how many times I went around the Sun

Isn’t it a shame he’ll never know my honest feelings?

So much gathered all around it

Changing its shape

But beyond the hurt of silence

There was still someone who genuinely wished for nothing but

Well, I guess this

This is what he wanted

That you’re there

And I’m here

Don’t forget it

I won’t forget it

Ever