Elucidating Questions

Something about my default mode was uttered

I’m not trying to be nice

Am I?

Second guesses

And doubt

I can smell the ocean

Speaking of Ocean

The continuation?

It’s just that I have a hard time grasping that I’m a good person

So many people have said otherwise

I just don’t want anyone else to go through any of the pain I have

Or any I don’t know of yet

If I could keep every being pain free

Naïve of it

Maybe thinking it doesn’t even exist

Innocent

The depths of pain I’ve experienced

Physically, emotionally

I wish they would die with me

That it would absolve every other being of having to feel it

Something measurable

My ineffectiveness

Ineffectuality

Dancing in the dark

Looking at you

A sign of the beginning, the middle, the end

Glaring lights

No one would ever believe your sense of humour

Ah well

Somewhere there’s a you

In some form

Perhaps that somewhere is everywhere and no where at once

I’m a magical being without magic

I’d give it to the world

It’s overflowing

I may as well pour it somewhere

The intended recipient is in a different place

So far from what I thought

Yet exactly how it was supposed to go

Bitterly

Painfully

Was it any different than he wanted it?

What love song is he singing?

You can tell me I don’t know what I’m missing but I can agonize about what I’m missing even not knowing what it is

Why did you have to break the world?

Why?

It would have been fine if you’d lived

If you’d lived

Wouldn’t it?

And the rain is pouring but I can see the Sun

The clouds are thick but he’s broken through

Speaking of breaking through

I thought I’d banished it

Yet here it comes

Comes creeping in

見たいなー

元気か確認したいなー

くだらない

Like he broke the sky

Cracks of blue

Betraying that there is a sky above the grey

Don’t go away

I say over the trees

Because he’s going behind them

I’m not prepared for Winter

I can see you’re round with my own eyes

Fire burned into my retinas

A transformation up above

If I silence it long enough

Will it stop struggling?

Desperate for it not to be the end when it was from the starting gun

Did you come out brilliantly for that moment alone?

Can I tell you this love that won’t just go away?

I hope it’s not for centuries

I would erase it from my mind

It would have been better if I never loved him

If such a feeling had never bloomed

I don’t know why I thought going from one impossible to another was the answer

A million reasons why

But no reason why

I’m not even singing it and I’m singing it

I want to warm them

The feelings

Tell them they mattered

But you can’t lie to them

They know

切なくて悲しい

Nothing did happen

That’s the point

Isn’t it unfortunate

His songs make me feel empty

His songs make me feel lost