Elucidating Questions

It’s always the day after an event that I hurt the most from my injuries

Like the first day they sat planning to go all out

My hands don’t hurt as much

The drugs don’t touch that body ache I get

Unfortunate

It’s raining

The weather has been doing this strange thing where it’s a Summer day, then followed by a rainy Fall day

Summer is tiring

Later than I would have liked

It’s so weird to be okay

And, you know, I’m not really okay

I’m just content with purgatory

I desperately need a companion

None have presented themselves

Content with misery

Like misery was around so long I became numb to it

At least I have things to do

Right?

And every day ticks over

And I acknowledge its end

Knowing that’s another day I didn’t know you

Didn’t see you

And then I get hung up on who You is

I don’t know

And the fact that I may never know eats at me daily

That the Universe is saving it for the last day of my life so I never get to actually know the You

Some big gotcha moment

And now you’re dead

It’s a fear for me

It’s a great fear

So many times in my life I’ve been the butt of some cosmic joke

I wish I wasn’t

It’s so scary