Elucidating Questions

That’s the thing about my father

He never apologises

He just comes back in to my life

And acts like I’ve been unfairly ignoring him

And I know there are things he should apologise for

One of them being when I tried to kill myself and he replied by saying “how do you think I feel?”

There isn’t even an air of apology

He just goes back to normal

And drags me with him

He wants me to meet up with him again

I don’t want to

Every fibre of my being says no

Can I just put it off like I forgot?

I don’t want to do anything with him

I wish someone would save me from him

I thought I’d saved myself but he just walked right back in like he’s supposed to be here

There’s still a little human inside of me who remembers playing with him on the floor of my bedroom

The little human also remembers that that memory is one of the last times he did

Something none of my other siblings got to experience

They also didn’t have to experience the loss of it

I wonder sometimes if that wasn’t him trying to prove something to someone

If it wasn’t just an illusion of his making

What am I to do?

Why do all the spirits seem to tell me to just ignore him?

So what if it was a lie that I wouldn’t be a stranger?

One lie for every hundred he told me

Once again you all expect something uncharacteristic of me

I’m doing my best not to crack under the weight of this decision