Elucidating Questions

I love when there’s casual, blatant, unapologetic, cross dressing, in children’s anime.

Pokemon really did pull it off

If the first season of it aired now the next episode I’m going to watch would be labeled as woke propaganda

Yet there it is, nestled comfortably in the past

In a 9 or 10 year old me that didn’t see a problem with a cis dude in make up and a skirt

Probably thought it was funny

Which, while not the appropriate reaction, made sense in a young me

They tried to edit it out, they cut episodes and stuff, but some of it snuck in

Little wishes of Japanese creators presented in anime form

Wouldn’t it be great if?

It would be great if there was no cross dressing

Everyone just wore whatever they wanted

But those little rebellions through anime

When I rewatched the episode with the guy in the lighthouse

And he started asking what the point of humanity was in this system where everything had a place

I don’t know what the English was

But it was as if that statement slept inside me for decades and then woke on its own

I’d had the exact same thought

I know thought is not organic

We are a species of passing down

Everything about us has been thought or felt, perhaps in different ways, but still the same at their core, by others before us

But that wondering

Why are we here?

Why do they have roles and we don’t?

And we feel it, this loss of a role

Thousands of years of humans trying to find their reason for existing

What are we?

And why?

What a thing to put in a children’s show

It most certainly went over my head

I wonder how many thoughts and feelings I have are echoed from the past?

Things I didn’t understand, that my mind had tucked away until I did

How much is young me driving my life?

Besides me being a product of, well, me?

I was hesitant, but for a moment, to venture this far back into my memory

There must be a reason I only have select memories from then

Of course I know at least one reason

Being molested isn’t exactly a fun experience

That man should lose his life for what he did to me

I say I don’t believe in the death penalty, but then I remember that people do things like that

He was so calm doing it

I can’t have been the only one

I feel very trepidant treading here

I think I remember

But do I?

And what don’t I remember?

Now that I’m out of the forest of creation it’s hard to find meaning in this

But perhaps it will be a tool to diving into these places I long left resting in the past?

Not like last time when the decades were taunting me

I’m equipped this time

I may as well have fun with it

Like enjoying the random gender nonconforming bits and pieces

I brought some things with me

I’m going on a journey to find what I left behind

What became my inner thoughts without me noticing