Elucidating Questions

I don’t want to write

I want you to be here without pouring my soul out

I don’t want to stare out into the night waiting

I want my waiting to be over now

Looking out into the stars as if searching out there is any more useful than searching in here

I don’t want to have to do anything

I want to stay right here, doing nothing, and have you just walk right up to me

Were it not for my invisibility

Would I have made it this far?

How can you find me

If even I can’t find me?

A mirror I’m screaming at to become real

Because no one else reflects me

Dreams are just your mind

If so, I guess I’m my best friend

Isn’t that twisted.

I’ve said you left me here

But you were never here to begin with

Sometimes I wonder if all my friends throughout my life were just a dream

If I haven’t always been living here like this

Maybe the past is just a trick

Maybe there has only ever been now

Stars go by

The Earth didn’t stop spinning when you won

Curious, as I was certain loss would equal death

Or the end

Yet on you run

We say time marches in English

It’s definitely more like running

Did it taste like victory?

Was it everything you imagined?

Did my mind fill with this person because anything else would be torture?

Is it self preservation to dream a companion?

Second place would have been fine

It’s like I got caught up in running the race from outside the stadium

It wouldn’t have mattered how fast I ran

It was always a dream

I wonder why I started running at all

I almost dare them to move

The stars

For something to change

As if change out there would bring change here

He did choose though

And things changed for him

I should have listened to the drug induced dream thing

You’re not the one

I’m not the one

I wanted to be someone’s one though

You sent me off into a world devoid of people who can love me

The dream also tried to make me believe that by being, existing, I was committing some sin and being selfish

That the only truly unselfish place would be a place where there was no Universe

And, that may be

But I wanted to exist anyways

I was fighting

So I guess even if I’m not the one

And there isn’t another

You get one

I’ll take some other person who’s fucked

Just please don’t send me a person who’s gonna murder me this time, kay?

Let’s start with someone who can put up with me, who isn’t going to kill me for crying