Elucidating Questions

I don’t know if the reason I’m fine during the day is because of the dreams

My strange companion

Being held by the spirit I summon

Maybe I’m okay during the day because I just spent time with the beings in my mind

I just know that when night falls

I feel so alone I can’t shake it

I wonder what they are

A mind wildly compensating for reality?

A memory?

If I had a friend

A friend like that

Who came with me places and spent time with me

When I thought I lost my walker they had it

Now, obviously I’m not going to lose my walker in daylight

That’s just reality cracking through the dream

But when my mind tries to turn the moment into a scary one

There they are

I wish I could experience that out loud

I’m content

I’ve got stuff to do, so, naturally, I’m entertained

It doesn’t take much

But I’m unfulfilled

I want someone to be here with me

Need is a word you’ve forced me to stop using

I made it all this way alone and suffering

Which proves I don’t need anyone

You forced me to exist without

So I made do

Which is what I do

But want

It’s all my soul cries out for

Connection

You insist I don’t need it

And the world around me insists you don’t get what you don’t need

But I’d have to kill myself to prove I need it

If I kill myself then I’ll truly be alone

You always catch me like this

The only way for me to prove anything is to die

That’s the one thing I did out grow

Wanting it

It’s an either or situation

Either I want to find connection

Or I want to die

It’s pretty clear, except for the little asterisk that the only way to prove I need the connection is to die

Isn’t it just unfair

That there’s no way to win?

No matter what, there’s a saying or a rule

What you don’t have you don’t need it now

Love comes when you stop searching for it

The only way to prove you need something

Is to die without it

Where am I just supposed to go out and find what I’m looking for?

It’s awful, being alone all the time

I tried once

To summon a love from another place

Magic doesn’t work like I imagined it did though

Magic is more subtle than that

I wish I could

Just reach out and grab hold

And pull until I meet the thread’s end

You have to meet me to know I’m calling for you