Elucidating Questions

I don’t know what I’d do without my mum

She knows so much about my disease already, having lived with it longer than me

And that’s awful

But she’s still this kind, gentle person

Unless you mess with her kids

She gave me the tools to question Christianity

Question everything, really

I miss our long talks

I miss hanging out in the kitchen with her when she’s baking or cooking

I miss her hugs

They’ve always had a warmth to them

I never told anyone this but I used to pray every night that everyone

My friends and family and their friends and family and so on out and out and out

Would be safe and happy

I used to try to make sure I said I love you to my parents at least once a day so they always knew

These habits faded as I grew, and I no longer believed in one god

And I started beginning depressed

And sometimes it feels like she resents when I’m suicidal

But she’s been there for me more than anyone else in my life

She’s loved me when I didn’t love me

She’s supported me when I’ve been awful and desperate

I don’t know if she quite grasps the depth of my solitude

But she tries

And I’m sure if she was well, and still driving, she would come visit me

Unlike everyone else

This disease really takes from you

And I never quite grasped that before

She’s still doing her best for all of her kids in spite of the taking

She has taken everything the world threw at her and still ended up a kind person

And she’s not as radical as me

But she probably set me becoming like this in to motion

She raised an inquisitive, questioning, overly bright kid

I was definitely not an easy kid

She’s just this amazing person

And I wish I could be half as great as she is