Elucidating Questions

I wish I could have a recipient

I don’t know why my love is wrong

But if just one person would let me love them

Am I just not meant to love someone?

What a cursed existence

The doves are congregating again

Why can’t I have a flock?

My mum she has her own

Everyone I know has their’s

I thought I had one for a while

Thought I was grateful

Thought I said thank you for it

When my shape didn’t fit their needs anymore I no longer had one

I know I did wrong, but I don’t think I did that wrong

I chose you, she said

I don’t think any words have come to damage me more in my life

Because it became I chose you so I can choose to not have you

That moment meant so much to me

Years later it haunts me as a memory of a fool

One misstep

One slip

And there wasn’t a way to be redeemed

Naïve

Careless

Still just a kid

Struggling with everything

I wouldn’t have abandoned me

Why am I the person I need?

Why do I have to be the one to stand beside myself?

My people

Never exist except under circumstances I can never maintain

Do you know what it’s like to constantly give everything you have, including actual money, to try to maintain connections that never stick?

Nothing sticks

I wish someone would hold my hand

Being stuck with myself is terrifying

Then again this is probably about her somehow

Not me

Nothing is ever about me

Everyone doesn’t realise they’re one misstep away from being as unimportant and invisible as I am

That I’ve been offering unconditional love to everyone all my life and they’ve all rejected it

None of the things I’ve done would have turned me away from friendships and relationships had they been done to me

Even purposely!

I’m a nitwit who’s unaware of everything I do

I’m just stupid

I have no malice

Stupid, harmless, alone

Probably the best description of me in three words.