Elucidating Questions

Some heartache alongside heartache

Words I wanted to hear

Stories I wished were mine so I rewrote them

Why can’t he have three girlfriends?

I see no problem

And I wasn’t able to pick up on the structure but now I see it

I wish I hadn’t been taught to pry apart media

I’d trade any day

Remember when he used to take me away?

To go back to those dreams

Now it’s just Death’s door every night

I need to see something real

Something I can remember

I want to be by his side

Just in any capacity

But it’s not that type of situation

And the wishing

Had I never known of him all this pain wouldn’t exist

If it was just going to end like this why did it happen?

But I mustn’t let myself

Or I’ll yearn

And that’s wrong

In this circumstance

Of course

Reality doesn’t play out like the story

In the story the reincarnation wins

And I’m not even that

Some stranger who saw him on the street and fell in love more like

Hardly a main character

I mustn’t

I can’t

Why does the darkness always call it from me?

Like a piper drawing out mice

It slips past my defences

Why do you want it so badly?

Why do you take it?

Something

I never feel like I’m alone in my head

The face inside

Or something

Just out of my perception

Who was I saying I love you to?

When I woke up in the hospital

With a passion I’ve never been allowed to express

Who was it?

Who was with me in the dark, talking me through the drug induced nightmare?

Can I will them into being?

Some spirit?

Who are these spirits who come in my dreams?

Rather I think of impossible things that can’t get hurt if I think of them

These mysteries

The dreams

All my life I’ve had these vivid dreams

Meeting all these people who don’t exist

Living through them because life limited me

If I could remember them

I no longer remember them

Just find me love

Whatever you are

The skies have been disturbingly beautiful today

Can’t it be something like that?