Elucidating Questions

Is there someone out there in the night waiting for me?

Not just in my mind, just out of my sight

Will anyone fight for me here?

Like I’m willing to fight

I don’t expect much

Rather, anything, right now

Is who I am worthy of the type of love that I seek?

There is a party going on

I can hear them enjoying

I wish to be there

When gatherings were for the entire village

Of course I wouldn’t have survived then

Born in the right time wrong timeline?

Who knows

Infinite possibilities in the darkness beyond the clouds

Minimal possibilities on the ground

I wish I could fly through the stars to a place more suited for me

Then everyone who knows me could just go on believing I was fine somewhere no matter what

Somewhere out in the stars

Far from these memories of what I’ve done

Hi says the dark thing

I have nothing to say to a trick of the darkness

I thought there was a meaning

Some kind of connection

But it’s just another fragment of this chaos inside me

It only feels like it’s outside because I don’t fit in this skin

Bleeding out into reality

My self

The things in the dark with me

How do you turn a light on inside yourself?

How do you illuminate the shadows that hang around just beyond your internal dialogue?

Lights are so temporary

How do I bring a star into my heart?

Light the doorways

The boxes and webs

I was willing to let one in once

But, see, I stand on the precipice

And willingness does not lead to anything

Will I be like him and still tortured inside?

What was he trying so hard to hide?

Let him be different

Those demons just lie and he’s free

Pour them into me

Fighting in the dark is my specialty

I dance with the demons all the time

There’s something in me that rises

From zero

And maybe it’s just a decimal point

0.01

That tiny existence contains me

I wonder what else I know that I don’t know I know?

It’s all such a mess, mixed up with my own wants and feelings

No sign came

So what now, I wonder?

His life is just beginning

I have a feeling mine ended

I’m just what’s left

Taking up space because we’re both cowards

Death and I

It really feels like overtime

But I don’t know what game we’re playing anymore

I want to be everything

I want to witness devotion

But,  from here

It’s only going to be from pretty fiction on my TV

In my games

You make me yearn

And, damn it all, if I didn’t understand Japanese I wouldn’t feel the nuance of the words so heavily

But, damn it all, if I didn’t understand Japanese I wouldn’t feel the nuance of the words so heavily

Curse my ever loving duality

And I’m blaming you,

I guess, you who I’m from, who created me,

The great being I can’t name nor fathom

The being who grew from such a tiny thing

Whatever we are

I’d tell you I’m lonely but we’ve been here before

You turn me out into a sea of faces

Overthrown by evil

And you know I can’t trust them

And it’s a stalemate again