Elucidating Questions

I wanted my life

Wanted to share it

Can’t write about life without living it

Surviving

Always surviving

Being nothing

Where do I begin if not there?

Just the beginning

A cruel thing to say

Just a bewildered traveller

On a solo journey through the stars

Traveling on the back of a great beast

Illuminated by a star

There’s so much going on around me

People living

That has nothing to do with me

I am tiny and powerless

Alone

It would be wrong

Don’t tell me no

I loved him like nothing I’ve ever known

Despised him the same

You’d think after 7 years it would have meant something

Instead it is set to die like everything else in my life

Deep into it

The dying day

Indeed

If I had a moment of love

I don’t think I’d be able to let go

I think if you send me another murderer it will work this time

Anyone

I will, I will take anyone

I don’t know what is screaming from over there

Over there in my mind

I have no idea

I thought I had the answers

That one hurt a bit

Who will stand beside me now?

You don’t understand

I can’t realise how alone I am

I can’t know that my worst fear became real and now all there is to fear is death

I begged for my life

Fought tooth and nail for it

Nothing

Imagine fighting with every fibre of your being for 7 years and the result is nothing

Those famous people “oh I tried so hard with nothing to show” woe is me I’m only famous and rich

It’s so hard being popular

It’s giving Queen Bitch in high school singing about her woes at the talent show

Cry more about how hard it is to come out on top

I don’t like this side of me

The side that hates people for being successful because I can’t be

It’s not their fault I am a failure

And saying sometimes things just don’t work out

Feels like a dig, because if they did work out I forced them to

Into the abyss, I suppose

How’s that for a cliche?

It’s better without you

Old lies die harder

Right?