Elucidating Questions

As I go back through my life and see things that happened to me

And decide they weren’t okay

I feel more comfortable with myself

Sometimes it feels like video games are calling me out

Oh I’ll just play this game I’ve wanted for years

Why do you say such horrible things to hurt yourself?

Why do you refuse to say “help me” instead trying to avoid ever causing trouble?

And I’m like bitch

I just wanted to play a cute game this is rude

Just the Universe Universing

Of course, it’s true

I said this hurdle is high

越える

Who knows when this forward lurch will end?

But I have to try

I told you, I take chances when they are offered

Thank you for this chance

It would be truly tragic if I left this world before figuring out how to talk to myself

So nice to everyone else

So cruel to myself

It’s hard to justify positive self talk

When there’s hardly any coming to me

自ら立ち上がって

自ら

That’s a good word

Another one I absorbed from around me

I wonder why talking about how you’re good at something puts others off?

A mystery

These people around me

I don’t know what to say to create the connection I would need to believe in myself

I have to learn this

Without thinking it’s narcissistic to love myself

I can see me in the past as if they are another person

And understand that they didn’t deserve any of the crap my life threw at them

I just have to believe that me, now, deserves better

I have to believe that somehow