Elucidating Questions

Whispers of old conversations flow through me

Things I shouldn’t have said

Things I should have

And traveling back to them

My mind wants a do over

I gently tell it time has passed

You’re days, months, years late

It still flits to them

As if there’s a way to alter the past through remembering

I try to remind it that the memory gets more dirty the more you go to it

Slowly warped by time

As it goes

And these memories

They enter my mind

I agonize over it for a moment

And then they’re gone

And I can’t even remember what I was worrying over

Drive by torture

À la my own brain

So many things I wish I did differently

At least besides the great regret

There isn’t much I’ve done these past years to harm anyone

And usually I apologise when I’m less than personable for whatever reason

I’m trying

These regrets

They’re about a different me

A me who is long gone

Still I 悩む

Maybe that’s just me

Handling a me that’s less than perfect

My biggest critic is me

I know that

And I deserve better than this

Hours locked in the halls of my mind

I deserve better

I deserve someone I can talk to without feeling like a burden

So that when my mind closes me in I have a rope to pull myself out again

And you may think I’m just a child crying about not having enough

I can guarantee I’m in the ranking for most lonely person

It’s not a tantrum

I deserve better than this