Elucidating Questions

The loneliness

Fills every crevice

My lungs drown in it

My smile just for the gods because no one else sees it

They don’t know I’m never smiling behind my mask

Faking it

It’s in everything I do

My desperation for connection with someone

Can’t we just be two creative minds connecting?

Why is he your answer to my loneliness?

The man who told me all my friends would get bored of me and leave

And was right?

I was foolish to believe the brainwashing about friends being forever

I was also a child

And adults should know better than painting unattainable fantasies for their young

It’s a good thing I can’t get drugs right now

Made me promise myself I wouldn’t go looking

Show some of my power over self and keep it

How I want to disappear into brain melt

It would be bearable

The endless loneliness

If you’d give me something to keep the edge off

I do not need to calm down

Okay maybe

Cosmic DJ shut your damn face

I’m not okay. I’m not okay.

I’m not okay…

I will be

This is a moment

You know, the something to take the edge off could be a human

Urgeless beings telling the being with nothing but urges to control them

Control your perfect timing, why don’t you?

Yes, pain.

And I know it’s a lie

I know it’s a lie and I’ll just feel awful whenever I’m not doing it and the only time I’ll feel is when I’m high

No, okay, thank you for the metaphysical full body shake

This loneliness

It is swallowing me whole

Who knows what the meaning behind these happenings is

It’s doing a fine job of keeping me sane

Good job, something

Just sane enough

It’s like I’m drowning but this mysterious beast just comes along every once in a while and refills my lungs

Beasts?

Who knows

Sometimes it feels like there’s a billion different things

And one

Taking care of me

Wondering how I could be that special

But maybe everyone has their own chorus

Hermes thinks that’s funny

Maybe not in the classical sense, okay?

Guardian spirits

Maybe anyone can connect to the Sun

That would be how I prefer it

I only want to be I little bit special

Like special to one person

Not to everything

I want to be noticed

I don’t want to stand out

Both of these things are true

I would trade my soul for a wish

I wish I had a friend nearby who could come to visit me.

I wish they would help me around the house sometimes and not hold it against me and understand that I need help