Elucidating Questions

At any time, I’m looking to you

Even though tomorrow invokes fear

Mourning the days lost

And sleep curses me

As I try to find it, this day

Won’t even ply me with imaginary visions

Your face, unknown

How would I find you in this hazy sea of awfulness?

I didn’t want to live today

But in being rejected by sleep

I am forced to interact

Inhale

Inhale

It’ll run out and then I’ll be really unhinged

Daymares

Of course, because the dreams elude me

I’m stricken by sharp memories

Left to myself

Always by myself

All I do is sink into my thoughts

No one ever asks if I’m okay and means it

If I could answer honestly

Would I?

The endlessness that is this isolation

Government mandated

Poverty related

Disability related

Isolation

Where am I to go?

What am I to do?

With nothing to enable it?

Oh it would have been kinder to let me sleep

Hours should have gone by

I am in so much pain

And so trapped here

And I am looking for you

But finding you no where

I wish someone would just tell me if you’re there or not at all

You could walk the Earth and never find me now

I was so enamoured with the idea of there being a you

That I ran face first into a complete stranger hoping

And if I go on believing in you again today

Then the narrator gets to say hautily at the end “but no one came”

Another day that I am the fool

They say if you don’t believe it it won’t happen

But I have believed

20 years of believing

And don’t say

Just a bit further

To a being starving for love

Just don’t

Curse sleep right back

I could have lived without seeing today and you all know it

I want nothing more than love

Actual love

If I don’t get to have that then why have you torn sleep from me?

Don’t drag anything else from me today

This was already more work than it was worth