Elucidating Questions

It’s fine to ignore me for hours

Hell it’s fine to ignore me for 6 and a half years

Hell, it’s fine to date me, ignore me, block me when I beg for the ignoring to stop

Never talk to me for 15 years

And I will still fucking think well of you

It’s also apparently fine to take off with the bus before a person with a walker sits down

Or is it just because it’s me?

I must have been a horrible person

To deserve being treated like I am

I’ll run to your side when you need me but you’ll leave me unread for hours

Sometimes just read

I hate that Facebook tells you that people are active it makes it that much more obvious when I’m being ignored

I am not guaranteed any time from anyone

And that fact terrifies me

Because so what if it’s a year without seeing anyone?

But 2?

Longer?

It would be merciful to kill me sooner

Then people wouldn’t have to ignore me anymore I’d just be gone

What a relief

No more of this

No more hunger

No more pain

Shouldn’t I be telling you how cruel you are for refusing to come to me?

The door

If it would just let me through

Maybe it’s a false door

Maybe it doesn’t actually open

You think you’ve been low

You haven’t met anything like it yet

Don’t come

Anywhere as low as me

You’d all be dead by now

And I’ll believe that until I’m proven wrong

I’m drowning without you

Whoever you wants to be right now

I don’t think anything is going to cheer me up

Today is just another awful day

Aren’t there supposed to be bad days to break up the good, not the other way around?

Take me home

Please?

If I’m not of this planet and this universe doesn’t want me

What am I doing here?

How am I supposed to shine a light when no one can see it?

I beg you

Change my life

I can’t do it

I’m so trapped

Standing alone

In this life that has no meaning

Calling to someone who

Who part of me hates

That for no reason

Is unattainable

Begging for a message from someone

Please don’t bring me abuse instead