Elucidating Questions

More dreams

I always fall asleep so sure that sleep is the best thing

Then I wake up and I’m not so sure

That cruise ship again

I feel like my mind is the one that won’t let go

Not me

I have wanted for so long for this

This something to just fade away into nothing

I’ve been carrying this for so long

And it’s worthless

Pointless

If I could take command of my destiny

Show him I’m harmless

He’d know if he’d set eyes on the me that everyone else sees

At least I can’t be intimidating anymore

People with walkers rarely are

Especially when all the old people with mobility devices stare at me constantly so I always feel out of place and uncomfortable

Thanks old people

People take one look at me and think it’s because I’m fat

I am not what people see

But I am easier to digest in person

Even if it still puts people off

But I

I’m not a threat

I’m also never willingly going to go anywhere near him

And dreams are just cruel

If I could pretend

Pretend this all never happened

Never see his face

Or any of the billion references throughout my day

I’ve learned to ignore many of them

Still the dreams

If you could only remove yourself from me

I would

I would go live in a world where I’d never heard your name

What bliss

Even were I in this hell I would not also be being tormented by figments

And shards

Oh the love

It boils up so sweetly

All

I love you so much

And then I wake up

Oh, me

It doesn’t matter if I love him so much

I’m a drop in the bucket of love he doesn’t need

Brains games

From my brain

Curse it

Really

All this feeling with nothing for it

What is the point in throwing rocks at a window with millions of others doing the same?

I can’t believe he reminded me of the album

And now I’m like

Sure, I’ll drag my sorry ass a little further

I guess it’s important to mention that love and being in love are not the same

I couldn’t say I’ve ever been in love

I don’t know if it exists

When we meet in my dreams we’re always friends or something

I want to say 仲間

But it won’t translate right

It’s always a slightly different flavour than the meaning

Someone I’ve known for a long time that we just kind of enjoy existing together

Cooperating towards something

Usually the band

It just tastes bitter in daylight

I want to run away from it

It turns from a dream to a nightmare

This wasn’t supposed to be about me forcing my love on to someone who doesn’t want it

The whole psychosis ridden reason was because he was supposedly waiting for someone

Why couldn’t it be me?

Well we know now we’ve remembered what our face looks like and our body

Sorry

A million times I’m sorry

I want to disappear

The Raven says yes

Okay, but how?

I’m just a coward

I will figure it out

I just need to face my fears

I’m sure it’ll be fine

It’s just death, right?

Something I want

Something I never want

Fate

Mine seems like whomever wrote it got bored and just started abusing the character

I used to do that

Maybe this is karma for abusing my characters as a teen

Karma

Is just another excuse to blame the poor for being poor and people who bad things happen to for their own misfortune

If karma existed there would never be a billionaire for more than a few years before their own malice undid them

Nothing is proven

I don’t even believe my own beliefs half the time

I thought there was a guarantee in life

But there are none

I wish I could go back to 2018 and do this over

Though I’d probably just end up killing myself because I wouldn’t have had anyone to hold on to, no matter how stupidly

Curse these dreams

I want to go back

But I also never want to live this life again