Elucidating Questions

I mean, you woke me up

Take responsibility for it

For the sake of something

It’s not my fault I’m ineffectual

It’s not like I haven’t tried

If I don’t work hard for nothing

The words disappear

At least it seems to have left me finally

You always abandon me in the forest of creation

If you could tell me why

Would you?

It’s impossible to see a reaction from here

Thousands of words sent with nothing returned

And I really am not the sort to give up

I mean I wanted to

I want to

But I don’t

I’m not the sort to accept nothing

An unwanted gift

It sits here growing

What could possibly make it worth opening?

No, asking what could be worse is asking for worse to find you

At the very least we live together

Cities apart

Together on Earth

Far yet close

If I could reach out and touch you

Grip your sleeve and tell you it was worth it until it wasn’t

You’re not worth all this work

No one is

So I guess I’m just searching as usual

バカ見たいに見付けたと思った。

You poor fool

Past me

So excited

So pure

Thought I was already gone then

Didn’t know how much further gone I could be

Oh I’m just drowning on my own

No the only ones who tried to save me aren’t

Aren’t proveable

Broken people do terrible things

If you didn’t know what desperation looks like you shouldn’t have written about it

I’m glad you’ve found your haven

I know mine will always dangle just beyond my reach

It’s just a carrot to force me to live

I think this universe feeds on suffering

I think it wants me to live because it’s delicious how much I hurt

But

The Universe also wants me to live

太陽やエルメス

時死神

The thing that I associate with Chester

I forgot to breathe apparently

And my heart is mad about it

Jeez sorry body, you could try breathing by yourself?

Do you suppose the door will open?

Who will let me in?

Because among all this “make your choice” and “this is the beginning”

It doesn’t start until the door opens

I don’t have a choice

I’m merely flitting from one to the other

Will it open this time?

Do you want to trade lives?

Of course you don’t, because you know I’m more miserable than you

I don’t think you’ll ever come to an answer

主人公はいつも運命を耐える

って言いってたね

But I’m not the main character

I was so ready for fate

So ready

And now, as much as it’s the one thing I want from this life

I would resent it

Like I resent you

Because you had 6.5 years to do something

Are you a bad one?

I think you’re a bad one.