Elucidating Questions

It would be nice if someone would tell me

Hey, you’re doing great

I’m failing so miserably and even if it’s just a platitude

I just want to hear than my effort is recognised

I wanted so fucking bad to call in sick today

I went in anyways and got that lovely email and came out worse for it

Like maybe, for what I’m facing, I’m doing great?

Maybe?

But that’s not the type of thing you tell yourself

You’re doing great me

Just sounds like pontification

Look at me and how great I’m doing

Besides deranged at this point

I don’t think I have anything left and then bam there’s another thing to deal with

I wish you could tell me what I want to hear

I wish you’d just do it

I believe we were meant to be

Something

I’ve never known something so completely before

But years on?

What’s knowing?

Can you possibly know something in the face of proof it’s not true?

So I wallow here

In this hell

Nevermind the woman this morning with her phone and her prices and confusing the hell out of me and then getting pissy when I don’t know the answer to a stupid question that was so stupid I thought she was joking

Just the general other hell

I’m currently talking to a wasp

Like that’s my conversation partner this evening

I don’t want to live here anymore

I want to live, more than anything

But I don’t want to live here

On this planet

Anymore