Elucidating Questions

If this is the beginning

What was the first half of my life for?

Like here I have been

Waiting for a chance

How am I supposed to get it right if I don’t know what I’m supposed to do?

No wonder it distorts

If this is the beginning explain it to 33 years of me why they had to struggle

If it gets better

I have to explain to all those me’s that they were just on standby

At that point an afterthought

And how can you say something like “it just wasn’t time yet”

What right does fate have to hold me like this?

Empty in this space?

Alone and desperate

I do terrible things when I’m desperate

You could say Don’t we all

But I don’t get excuses

And, yeah, I burn down

Plunged into the deep

But I get back up

Kind of

With a limp

Tis but a flesh wound

傷だらけ姿で

It’s just all I am

Yes I know you’re there

Oh hot ball

I don’t think anyone’s going to be saving me

As much as I wish they would

So, all I hear is

The want to escape

While I am trapped in this life

Don’t I just wish

To be put back together?

What’s left of the dream?

How I wanted to see you

And I am a fool for thinking so

Because what I wanted to see is not a person

But an ideal

If I was any good at this

Something would have happened by now

No?

Where am I on the chart?

Am I on it at all?

How can things be so grey when I can see the colours?

If you’d take a dare

Heh nope that never worked either

Will I ever feel alive again?

I haven’t felt alive in so long

I thought it was being forced out of me

But I can turn it off

Curious

Music buzzy energy whatsit

Turn offable

Not that I’d want to

When it feels like it’s coming from me

What it is I couldn’t tell you

These mysteries

Maybe you couldn’t handle it

Maybe my inner world is too vast for anyone to handle

I wish they would

Someone

Help me make sense of it all

I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing

If I don’t know how am I supposed to do it right?

Yes

Ever the empty seat

Thank you for filling it from time to time spirit

I wonder if I’ll ever see the Wolf again

I miss him

I miss everyone I used to know and now don’t

One way or another

And even some I’ll never know and never did

It’s so easy to miss people you’ve never met

See

I don’t know

It can’t be the beginning

It’s already halfway over

Isn’t it?