Elucidating Questions

It’s hard to maintain motivation

Even bringing the word to mind was a struggle

Every day is the same

I wake up and do the same things

Either do nothing but entertain myself all day

Work

Or appointments

I still return to the same place

I still go to bed alone

I still don’t see a soul

Or if I do it’s for five minutes

Or it’s my step dad who barely talks to me

Never a companion

I wonder what it’s like?

Being loved

Seeing people

Face to face

I’ve been isolated for so long that crowds scare me more than ever

What’s it like to be the focus of one?

There’s always an empty chair

Even if I fill it with crap

There’s still no one sitting there

I see so many possibilities

And yet not one has been for me

Not one

And you want me to work

For what?

What is all this building to exactly?

It’s probably a joke at my expense

Like haha oh look your life is a Linkin Park song

I don’t have any 頑張る気

None

Please can you just let me love someone who isn’t going to try to kill me?

Why is that too much to ask?

It doesn’t have to be the one

The one was so far beyond my reach it wasn’t even funny

Unless you’re a cruel nasty person

I don’t know who to blame for this

Blame my own body for being susceptible to being sick in the first place

We all have choices

Except when we don’t

I don’t believe there’s much more to go

I’m seriously running out

That was a beautiful shooting star

一堂だけ

会いたかったって思ってた瞬間に

不思議だよね？