Elucidating Questions

I really don’t like the way I’m portrayed

Helpless they in distress

I hate this part of the weak person

In my subconscious I could go anywhere

In reality I’m stuck like this

And need help

But I don’t want to need help

I haven’t wanted to need help this entire time

I wanted to be entirely independent

The rain is pouring

Like really pouring

A good, sustained, rain

It’s not helpless

It can continue its life going up and down

Into things

I hate it

Being at the mercy of others

Because they have none

They’ve demonstrated

Think I should just work harder

I worked harder until my body broke and then I couldn’t work hard anymore

And they told me to work harder still

It’s all very dehumanizing and all

It’s all very oh woe is me

It’s not like I haven’t searched the depths for joy

It’s not like I really need to be well, right?

Do you know how badly I want to just be better?

And fine?

I wish I could just get by

Just get by

Maybe then I’d be satisfied

I doubt it

I keep wanting these strange things called human relationships

So you wish for a normal life?

Cause I do

I wish I wasn’t going to sleep alone tonight

I wish my body didn’t hurt so much

Bless the fucking rain anyways

Kiss it

Beautiful stuff

The pain though

I wish that 4 hours at work today hadn’t tired me out this much.

4 hours.

I used to work 10 hour shifts like they were a walk in the park

Even did a 12 hour one once

4.

I want to apologise to my body with fibromyalgia for doing that because I gave all my hours away in my 20s apparently

Body said, nope you’ve worked your life’s worth

I am a damsel (I’m not but for the point of the quote I will be)

And I am in distress

But I’ve got this

I want to have got this

I thought I’d have it figured out