Elucidating Questions

Now we enter the debate

Do I order food because I can’t currently feed myself?

And you may ask why I can’t feed myself

I don’t know

I’ve been trying to

But every time I go in the kitchen I just bypass it

I can’t bring myself to do anything

Keep telling myself today is the day it goes back to normal

I can’t seem to will myself

I don’t know why

I can’t explain this to my mum she’d think I’m being ridiculous but I

I can’t

And I also can’t afford to feed myself solely off of delivery

The idea of doing anything that requires a sequence of tasks

I’m about to have a sugar crash

Because I haven’t eaten since breakfast

Yeah there it is

I have to just

Just

I’m drowning

I can’t take anything right now

I need to be taken care of for a while

This society doesn’t really account for this

I can’t just go to a mental hospital or something

I have to keep going

I feel like it’s crushing me

The weight of things I have to do to

Not even treading water

I’m under

And they look at me and tell me to just swim up

Somewhere there has to be an answer

I don’t want to be taken care of

I want to do everything myself

But I don’t know what I’m going to do I can’t seem to function

Why does this take nothing

But even thinking about making myself food is such a weight?

Piling up

My needs

Versus what I have to do

It’s too heavy

I keep trying to ignore it but

How long do they expect me to keep going without my needs being met?

It’s so heavy I can’t move

Why did it become like this