Elucidating Questions

It’s okay for me to sleep right?

I haven’t had too much?

You wouldn’t take that away, right?

What little, awful quality, actually restful, sleep I get?

I swore that light was blue

But now it’s green

Green would be fine

Really, any colour

I have come such a long way

And this… 迷宮

No one enters

Only sees the surface

Only what is and not what was

Not even me

In wanting to protect my future

I have become ashamed of the past

In the interest of being the best me for no one but me

Is that selfish?

No one else really wants me though

I can’t do things for the sake of people who don’t exist

I have no recognition of it

I just wished there was enough

Enough to make him see how serious I’ve always been despite the madness

A shattered dream

And in the shards

There’s not much life left to live

If I’m being honest

It doesn’t really feel like it

Perpetual existence is so trying

The weight of existence

So do I persist only to dream?

Ever searching for this hole in my soul to be filled

Desperate for the day I don’t want anymore

If only I could join them

Even if it was just on the sidelines

If you asked me what living is

I’d say struggle

There has been little else here for me

Perhaps my soul was full of itself and needed this life

The me who I am right now didn’t

Sometimes I forget there are other galaxies

So many things are happening in this space right now and none of them are someone coming to help me escape this hell

If I were to believe

Believe someone is coming

I firmly believe you’d lead me through my whole life believing only for it to be for nothing

Or you’d turn it into something sick like

Yeah someone’s coming alright

To kill you

You haven’t given me the strength to believe

Not in anything good for myself

For other people, yes

I see other people finding happiness all the time

Shards and pieces

It’s not whole

It hasn’t been for a long time

In my heart I’m searching for a place to sleep

Repetitive dreams are more a life

Than I’ll ever get to live