Elucidating Questions

The little things

You all show me

When I feel compelled to look

When I feel a beckoning

And then it’s something wonderful to see

Have truly taken me from where I was to here

Without them would I even be here?

It’s not like I can’t sustain myself on nothing and little happinesses

Really, little happinesses is all I have

And some of them I forced to happen

And people still think I’m not out here making my own joy

They can’t understand how awful the awfulness is

I feel you on my shoulders trying to relax muscles that I can’t afford to have tended to

I suppose I am tense

No I wasn’t complaining

These conversations I don’t write

These conversations I do

The corvids are up and yelling again

Why does it feel like the ravens are screaming so much more?

Not quite a murder of crows

I wonder why?

If it truly was nothing

If it was all Fate’s trick

Why it repeats

So many chances to give up

No chances to become anything else

And yet he refuses me

And yet he holds me so tightly

Yes I remember him today

Always holding on so tightly

The gate

The door

All the day’s disappointments erased in an embrace

All the repetitive dreams to get there

Maybe I don’t dream new things because I don’t dream during the day anymore

I wish he would leave his post for one day

My lack of presence

Yet I am here

Warm

Safe, for once

Just for a moment

Dreaming on

You may think me selfish

It’s just not enough