Elucidating Questions

Well it’s not unavoidable, right?

If he’s taught me anything it’s that anything is avoidable

Anything you want to avoid anyways

But I have to will myself to do these things somehow

Force myself to do these things that enable my functioning

It may be a crutch, but it is a delicious crutch that I am kind of hoping will kill me like everyone keeps saying it will

No

But yes

I hate having things I have to do

No one does the things I need them to do

But I have to do all this stuff so I can keep doing what they need me to do

Which is persist

For some reason

In one of my dark moments

Feeling over half a decade of being ignored weighing on me

Hold on

Hold on

I wanted to do this together

With someone

I want to be

Like nothing else in my life I wish I could be

Live life

Not just spend hours rewatching shows from yesteryear because everything is too violent now

Like they enjoy watching it

Make him do it

Whatever it was

Oh these thoughts pouring out as soon as they come in

Someone else should have to help me

Why have to

Because if someone said they tried everything and needed help I would try to help them

I don’t think I would know what to say if there was even a chance to say it

I don’t understand it

I don’t

I won’t stop running though

Every day I come to this spot and that’s all I hear

I wonder if it’s your influence

The power songs come on

Just keep going

Am I setting society aflame behind me?

To document a life with prose

What a stupid and lofty goal

Yeah it sounds like me alright

And my boys

Yeah it would be you delivering them to me

Love and miss

Love and miss

Take them on and continue

I’ll collect a billion souls if I have to

I don’t want to be a phantom

Oh how I don’t want to be the cause of my own destruction

Nor his

I don’t know what it means when it feels like it’s over there

It’s just strange to be here

So half hearted

Not that, you say

I need to believe in myself

But, love,

Ah, he hated that

But, love

I don’t even know what dreams I’m supposed to be realising

That love could find me before we ever meet?

It’s not as if anyone will ever know

About this life secret

Sitting so far away

But these vibrations are you

I don’t know why

Frankly, none of anything makes sense

But I can feel it

To love directly

To have the courage to love someone completely again

The me I want to be