Elucidating Questions

I could do anything

Anything

No one would notice

It’s both freeing and terrifying

That no one cares at all about what I do

I can drink myself away for the evening

No one is coming to stop me

As long as I put on my face and dance their dance

No consequences

Well I’m not exactly doing anything except harming myself

No one really cares if I do that

Looking for someone in this endless crowd

No one’s coming

And I feel very alone knowing that

Like I could disappear and no one would notice

Looking for somebody

In the dark

Oh come back faster

Sorry

Not that, just

This lack of object permanence

It’s just I’m alone and I need

I wish someone would hold me until I cried

And then let me cry

There is so much for me to be broken over

They tell me to ignore it

And I try

But my heart hurts

Here all alone

I don’t want to spend the rest of my days here

I didn’t sell my soul for this

This is not what I sold my soul for

I’m sure they all say that but I didn’t even get a taste of what I wanted

Not even a single fleeting moment

Why bother singing?

Why bother doing anything at all in this space where nothing matters?

I’m not going to even grace this time with the thought of a new beginning

He told me to smile

Make it real or the deal’s off

I wonder if we’re sitting in the same sadness right now

I sometimes wonder if I even believe in fated encounters for me

So temporary

So meaningless